I’m not exactly sure when I released my death grip on perfection, but when I did the floodgates of my heart opened and made room for better space. I was trying to be good at everything…I mean, everything. Yet, I was missing the sweetest parts of who God designed me to be. I was spinning my wheels so fast thinking I was doing noble and godly things. And, I was but I wasn’t doing the right things.
I was chronically distracted and dissatisfied. Trying to be good at everything meant I wasn’t really good at anything at all because my life was undone and unfinished.
I realized I wasn’t listening to God because I was too preoccupied by my fears and what ifs.
You know those people you are trying so hard to please? They can’t see the real you if you are too busy trying to be the perfect version of yourself. The messy you is pretty spectacular. That girl who messes up and laughs at herself? Be that girl, she’s much easier to like.
I’m starting a new adventure in my life and to be honest with you, I’m scared to death. I’m wondering if I’ll feel “mom guilt” from working so hard and being gone more. I’m worried that I’ll be too tired to flirt with my husband. I’m worried that my stress-acne will never clear up and that I’ll have to buy zit cream until I’m sixty-five. I’m worried that I’ll be that annoying girl trying to be good at everything again and miserable.
But, I can’t focus on all the things I might suck at. I only have two goals right now: show up and be faithful. That’s it and that’s enough. I’m not going to be able to do it all, so I’m taking that off the table. I’m taking it one day at a time and figuring it out as I go.
It’s impossible to give into worry when I am trusting God to wrap me up in strength. Putting on strength is a choice I make daily to chase away the fears and unrealistic expectations.
We don’t have to be perfect; we just have to be available.
When a woman wears strength, she perceives what she has to offer is good. God has given us such good things to work with so maybe just showing up and being faithful is more than enough to start with.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night. (Proverbs 31:17-18 NKJV)