1000 Whys About Loss

Joining my friend, Suzanne Eller’s, 21-Day Adventure Challenge today. I hope you’ll read the rest and join in on the conversation that is happening on her blog and connect with the awesome community there that I love so much.

I was in a stretching place.

It was over a decade ago, and I was certain I couldn’t handle one more loss.

All those things that I really wanted in my life seemed to slip so quickly out of my reach. At that time my life I kept a journal and was faithful writing down all my junk feelings.

The sound of my pen on paper that night sounded like a thousand whys asking all the wrong questions. I remember a moment of being still and knowing that God was with me. The rhythmic sound of my hand brushing across the page ceased as I wondered if I was sinning for being angry.

Just moments before I was in the Emergency Room looking at an ultrasound of an empty womb, no life inside of me.

Two days before that I was elated because I was pregnant, but as we traveled to my parent’s house to celebrate Christmas something didn’t feel right. Not long after we arrived I began to hemorrhage, I rushed into the bathroom and gasped when I saw my reflection. I caught a glimpse of fear and death in darkened, swollen eyes. I knew I had lost the baby that I longed for.

I chronicled the next three years my ups and downs; another miscarriage, another diagnosis, surgery, and then treatment that made me feel like Hades was one mile from my house because of the hot flashes from medically induced menopause. I craved carbs, cried a lot, my bones hurt, and not to be overly dramatic or anything but . . . I felt like I was dying.

I went deeper than I had ever gone in my quest to find God in my loss…

You can read more and connect with Suzanne Eller by clicking here.  Suzanne Eller is a Proverbs 31 Ministries writer, bestselling author, and speaker. I’m so thankful for the gift of her friendship, you will LOVE her. 

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