I have been quiet lately on social media, especially here, because that’s usually what my heart needs to process big things. In the last two weeks, major things have happened, good things and some heavy things, too. Isn’t that how life works? You can have God-sized dreams happening and still hold onto them like they could slip through your fingers like sand. Sometimes answered prayers are just as scary as delayed ones. Both require a change within if we are brave enough to face the fears that hold us back.
There are two sides of me, the awkward-introvert side of me that spills things and feels anxiety in large crowds. And then there’s the gutsy side of me that says, “So, hey, I need time with you to ask you a million questions because I trust your advice. I trust you.”
It’s kind of crazy, right, to reach out to others? It’s pretty gutsy and bold.
But, throw in a history with people pleasing that goes way back, you tend to give people easy outs because of lingering trust issues because you were disappointed in adults who lacked follow-through. In this case, what you have to work with is a recipe for keeping things easier to just handle on your own because it’s less chaotic and doesn’t make you emotional. Mix in a history dealing with verbal abuse and a tiny dose of physical abuse as well and you have a girl who isn’t really great at asking for help.
You are independent because you had to be.
You play it safe.
But, safe isn’t very fun. Playing it safe out of fear is the most isolating thing you can do.
If you ask me when real spiritual and personal growth happened in my life, I will tell you it was when I let others mentor me and even mother me a little. They invested in me first, I looked at their character and their life and said, “Okay, I’ll let you in. But, you have to let me in, too.”
My ministry took on different shapes when I met a broken girl like me, who was also in the spotlight of public ministry. Over Mexican food and a three-hour lunch, we spilled every broken detail in our life and skipped the safe, normal get-to-know-you questions. We both began to heal together. Healing sisterhood is real and it’s powerful.
Real growth was when I realized that, even after all these years, I was whole but had pushed the wrong people away, like my college friend who has loved me for twenty years, because I was afraid I would only disappoint her and that was too much for me to handle. What if I was an adult who couldn’t follow-through? Scared the crap out of me, so…I invited the hateful, controlling people to have more influence in my life and tried to please them and then be all gossipy when I didn’t jump through their hoops. Because that’s way better. Nope. That’s JACKED ALL THE WAY UP. But, their voices were louder and I let them drown out the right voices.
In the past, asking for help meant weakness. But, because of the wholeness I have found in Christ, I know He is my source so he alone supplies all my needs. Whole people let others in. Yeah, that only took me a few decades to learn. I still suck at it but I’m growing.
If we want greatness in our lives…we have to surround ourselves with women and men who are doing life well and those who are smarter than us and wiser.
I experienced a REAL breakthrough after years of being personally stuck and stifled, but now I am living beyond the breakthrough. Beyond the breaking. I am walking in wholeness and that’s what I want for you more than anything. If I can do this, anyone can do this because God loves you just as much as he loves me.
Reaching out and being still enough to allow others to speak into my life has been solid gold. Who actually makes the time to talk on the phone with someone they don’t know very well when they sound a little panicky? Women who invest in other women, that’s who.
And, what kind of man says, “I don’t know why I am telling you all this, but I know that it’s the Holy Spirit.” And, then tells you to make a list of what fuels you and drains you and gives you the best advice ever. Like, who says you have the be good at everything? Good men, lovingly referred to as Pops and pillars in the church, that’s who.
If you are following me and my blog that means you are working through some issues, too, so welcome to this space. I want it to be safe for you. Jesus will be your source and we can be a tribe of women who help others heal instead of wounding them.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Much love to you,
A really big thank you to Pamela Clements…who is stinkin’ awesome and gave me the best advice that has echoed in my heart for weeks now. You are awesome, please adopt Holley and me…and come visit. 🙂
Pops, you are the best and give the best hugs. I love you. Thank you.
And last, but not least, thanks to my tribe of friends who are crushing life and true examples of healing sisterhood. I’m nothing without you. I love you more.